Fads, styles, the in thing
-- there are many different methods of referring to what is
currently the rage in the superficial and commercial world
of fashion. Up until now all of these words were overwhelmingly
used to describe just that: the newest, most fashionable
elements of popular culture. So what's a twenty-year-old system
have to offer in the ways of a passing fancy? As you're about
to see for yourself, a whole damn lot. What other system can
make people go out in public with video game controllers strapped
to their belts, vulnerable to the attacks of others? Answer:
NONE. More power to the toaster! Who says if something
is long "dead" means it can't be popular? The real
NESers, especially those holding special fond childhood memories
of the system, are finally showing their true fanatic colors.
More power to 'em, I says! The feeling is wonderful...
Almost like now you're really "playing with power"
all over again. This feeling of "power" really scored
me over. I feel...invincible, like I can take over the world.
Imagine this somewhat likelyscenario:
Walking into a casually
lame game store with a Nintendo trucker cap, 1 up - LoZ combo
wristbands, a Link tee, and cut faded jeans, we're all like:
"Rumble in the parking lot. It's time we settle this
score." Their meaningless conversations come to a
halt, the faces turn to a puzzled, "Can I help you?"
And with a concluding upward tug of our controller belts,
we walk out right after performing a quick karate kick swoop
to a "Halo 2" cardboard standee standing by the
front entrance. The glass door half open all the while turning
once more: "Now you're playing with power. Bitch Eggplant
Wizard. I'M OUUUUT."
Aside from the slobbering
fan adoration (that'd be me), a great deal of aspects
of the system have never went away completely. In fact, this
summer it seems old school gaming has reached a new level
of mainstream appeal via Nintendo's dedication to the NES
by releasing its Classic Line GBASP and 8 classic titles (SMB,
LoZ, DK, Excitebike, Pac-Man, Bomberman, Ice Climber, Xevious)
coupled with the alternative clothing outlet, Hot Topic, their
partnership with Nintendo to release NES-inspired key chains,
beanie hats, shirts, jackets, wristbands, wallets, and (you
can't go hog-wild over a fad without also including) car air
fresheners.
This is all so much for the
dedicated NESer to deal with in such a small span of time.
For years our obscure hobby has never received any attention
outside of the numerous NES gaming boards and websites online.
It really gives me great pleasure to announce that the NES
is at its prime once again many years after its marked "death."
Scroll down to see some of the things listed that I personally
think are some of the more note-worthy "hot or not"
selections. If you want to submit your own, you
know what to do. As always, play on!
H::Old school swag
and NES lure brought to the old school gaming public through
Hot Topic outlets and Nintendo. Although that store personally
freaks me out to no end when I see the 10-year-old's in black
walking out with their mothers, I owe them my debt for granting
me flip flop, lanyard, buckle, wallet, and wristband goodness.
See some of the stash.(An interesting observation: if you notice on the Editorials
index I wrote an editorial in 2001, "Gaming with No Roots."
This was way before I saw "Know Your Roots" tees
all over the place. They also carry a "Things You Learn
from Video games" tee... after another writing on the
site, "The Things I Learned from NES Games." Is
this just coincidence or are they actually hunting around
the 'net and splicing other people's sayings...like, mine?
This stuff is copyrighted. Those bastards.) N::NES old school apparel worn on persons who haven't
ever touched the squared controller and/or played anything
besides the 8-bit SMB/LoZ series... not a cool statement...
super negative uncoolness if persons wear coveted
NES controller belt buckle. If seen in public, it is your
unwritten NESer duty to tear it off and stomp on it. The buckle
would have been cursed by then.
H::Summer and going
to the movies are synonymous with one another as are the films'
adaptations into video games. The NES proved once and for
all that the transition from movie screen to TV screen games
based on their silver screen relatives, such as SunSoft's
"Batman," can
be smooth and fun. N::As a whole, modern film-to-game conversions SUCK.
Really, really suck they do. Short story: A couple of weeks
ago a local retailer carried "Minority Report" for
the PS2 and marked it down to 99 cents, which is a 98% discount
from its original $49.99 price tag! I picked it up and witnessed
about 49 cents of cheap thrills. That's all. I still feel
cheated. The bad movie games list goes on and on... Developers
will only stop producing these terrible, almost always plot
spoiling, stinkpots when the consumers STOP BUYING THEM. That
means YOU SHOULD STOP BUYING THEM! The lite developing process
that goes along with these titles are clear and reflect the
crap. They're marketing and advertisement ploys and nothing
close to an actual playable video game.
H::Capcom releasing
an anniversary
collection of all the classic MM games, which includes
all of the NES titles for a low, low manufacturer's retail
price of $29.99 for the Gamecube and Playstation 2. (The classic
GB games are also being released onto GBA cartridge.) N::Paying a fortune for the original six MM copies
in cartridge-form glory.
H::More fans than ever
before are seeking out Doki Doki Panic to experience the original
SMB2 roots as now even the less rabid of gamers already know
this sequel's "little dirty secret." N::THOSE CHEAP FRIGGIN' FDS BELTS BREAKING!!!
H::Final Fantasy =
old school RPG gaming bliss. N::That the number of FF games has surpassed the double
digits. When it reaches MMORPG status, Old Yeller needs to
be taken out.
H::NES game sequel
updates on current consoles, as with Rygar and Ninja Gaiden
and Metroid. N::Rehash of the popular, readily-available games having
little to no updates what-so-ever [i.e. the multitude of Mario
games on portable systems; thanks but no thanks].
H::Ebay popularity
allows just about every NES release (including the occasional
pop-up of prototype and test cart) available to the public
with open arms. N::Collectors, retailers, and rarity guides using this
"open arms" market to judge prices, despite the
change of waves and margin of error for the ridiculous bid(der)s
.
H::Nintendo's ever-growing
support for its older games (and gamers) by releasing the
GBASP NES edition and NES-to-GBA titles. N::The $39.99 I paid when the E-reader
hit stores in September, '02...
H::Old school gaming
is "in" fast becoming generally hip and mainstream
with gamers of all ages. N::Even so, some corporate
stores have still opted to get rid of their older selection
causing flee market-free gamers out of the loop or stranded
on Internet auctions.
H::
N::
H::Sweet new original
NES games from China, no matter how bad they play--it's the
closest we'll get to actual new releases. N::The novelty of those annoying 1,000,000 in 1 multi
carts. People, stop buying them. They suck.
H::The NES was Nintendo
and Japan's first entry into the console business in America.
They had an excuse for bad translations at such an early point
in their history. Fast forward to today and you'll find that
it's still "in" to point fingers at the flawed and
downright outrageous of dialogue along with another, newer,
often atrocious flaw of game design: voice acting. Case in
point is Atlus' "Evil Zone" for the PSX. (Hunt down
a copy to see just what I mean. I can promise you'll at least
let out a chuckle.) N::"I am Error." I really do consider Nintendo
Player to be one of the pioneers in shedding some popular
light onto the Fat Man Wonder but enough is enough already!
When Nintendo held a promotion and sold the Legend of Zelda
Collector's Edition, they unknowingly introduced Error to
an entirely new generation of fans. Unfortunately, like all
good things, Error's a little tired now. Okay, he's crashing
and burning, folks. Enough with poking him with a stick, God
damnit! Please let this quaint, gentle creature cuddle back
into his small one-room hut for a little while longer to retreat.
He's not used to the press. [In other news... download our
new Error ROM hack!!]
H::Classic TV series
like TMNT and Transformers (none of that Beast Wars garbage)
receiving the quality video game treatment they deserve. Finally
we get to control Mikey, Optimus Prime, and Hot Shot in full
3-D! It just goes to show, as long as the game is decent,
nostalgia can sell. And sell-out, too! (As of writing this
TF is a hard copy to find. At least, around these Philadelphia
parts.) N::The long, long, long, long (to the 999th power)
wait we had, indeed. I thought the evil forces of Decepticons
had won for sure!
H::The magnetic quirkiness
of NES pirate goods, especially those original and game
titles actually worth playing more than once on multi
carts. Despite Nintendo's excessive warning that playing such
titles will unleash the Dark Lord upon Earth, absolutely no
negative side effects have been documented of the system or
of its games by playing such cartridges. Just on the record,
I have never played a pirate that has ever "messed up"
on me--restarted, didn't work, etc. N::The same cannot be said for today's piracy. Modern
day bootlegs from Hong Kong and other known counterfeit countries
use GBA carts as their medium of choice, but replacing the
"trustworthy pirates" of yester years is instead
the memory corrupting every five minutes after attempting
several times to get the games to boot. Not the least bit
enjoyable experience. (Don't even get me started on those
awful multi-game "classic" Gameboy carts, either!
If you thought a game repeating a few times was bad, try playing
the same-exact-game 64 times with nothing but a slight title
screen alteration!) Be weary of used game stores, including
EB Games, as they do occassionally carry one of these faulty
cartridges. Below are photos from Nintendo's own intellectual
property protection section of NOA to show a genuinely ungenuine
pirate.
H::Watching the evolution
of box art is actually a pretty amazing thing if you think
about it. Long gone are the days of the mullet, Fabio models,
and the nightmarish Mega Man PAL artwork. I know we love to
hate them, but in this "computer age" the preschool
drawings, watercolors, and basement portraits need not apply! N::The other side of this double-edged sword is that
those past days of judging games at the store simply by coming
across the most eye-catching, awesome covers is a-bye-bye
as well. Scores and scores of terrible games with big-name
backing have had big enough budgets to afford top-notch graphical
art to appeal to unsuspecting consumers. Beware of these disastrous
Trojan horses.
ENTER
THE MATRIX - Wow. Jiminy Cricket,
wow! It.. changes when you... move the box from side to side...
like in motion. Oh my stars! What's that written in the trademark
Matrix font on the front? WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY THE WACHOWSKI
BROTHERS! So that explains why the game sucks and is
unnecessarily drawn out!
Universal
Studios Theme Park Adventure - Oh sure it sounds good
on paper--round up a number of mini-games to match the attractions
of a mega-popular theme park. No wait one moment, this just
in: the concept
has been done already way back on the NES by Capcom.
Way to steal from the classics! They even have the nerve to
include a trivia question game. Bastards. But be still my
beating heart...Must resist the flashy box art. What's that
I read on the back? "JAWS"!? I have a feeling I'll
be picking this one up used anyway at a place I know for 7
dollars. The "Back to the Future Ride" is actually,
dare I say, mildly addictive. God help me for I know
not the harm that can come of that statement! (On an inside
note, I love how ESRB gave the game a "T" for teen
rating to further doom USTPA and to get at Kemco for publishing
such a shoddy title. Either that or because when you ask Wolfman
to shake hands he gropes your child player's rump.)
TWISTED
METAL 3 - 989 Studios? That should've been enough reason
never to have walked ten feet of its radius shelf space. Never
again, Sweet Tooth. Never again.
DEAD
OR ALIVE XTREME BEACH VOLLEYBALL - Sex appeal gone horribly
wrong. The pervs got what they were looking for--to look but
never to touch (the controller, that is).
SHAQ-FU
- So cool, and yet so foolish. He really doesn't have an ounce
of shame in his whole giant body, does he? Anyone remember
the film Kazaam? If there was ever a need for a Hell
for suffering comparable to Dante's written vision...
UNLIMITED
SAGA - The number one reason why you should never pick
up a game solely because of the game developer's name on the
cover. Really nice cover design. I'm really glad I paid only
$4.99 clearance price for that artistry.
HOME
IMPROVEMENT - ...And the number one reason why you should
despise Tim Allen as much as poor [all] TV-to-game installments.
'Power Tool Pursuit' my ass! I hope he fell off that ladder
and landed on Al "I have no other real name" Borland.
Oh God, how I hope it.
SUPERMAN
64 - Lex Luther is having a ball with this one. You stupid
dolt! Box art foreplay will get you nowhere fast!
Legend
of Zelda Wristband
NES
Controller Key Chain
Nintendo
Magnets
NES
Tech Support HandBag
NES
Roots Lanyard
NES
Controller Digital Watch
NES
Controller Wallet
NES
Controller Car Air Fresherner
NES
Controller Beanie
Metroid
Trucker Hat
Nintendo
Power Track Jacket
NES
Controller Flip Flops
1
Up Wristband
Mario
Boxer Shorts
Link
Green Tee Shirt
Legend
of Zelda Lanyard
Mario
Dice
Nintendo
Pen
Mario
Car Floor Mat
