Office Max, Staples, and other
stationary retailers have begun the mass marketing Sunday
paper ‘Back to School’ pullouts. Parents, in less-than-sane
homes, have tweaked inner natural homing devices to pester
their offspring. The seasons, friend, are changing.
Gaming in my free time has
been ignored lately. Modern gaming folk can relate, as they
are most likely spending their free time prepping for the
upcoming Fall.
The winter months have always
seen the most action for the newest consumer products, especially
in the electronic department. Pre-ordering has suddenly taken
off ever since the reality of absent games on wishful kids’
lists slapped them hard in their rosey cheek face. Commercials
for games will be to the upcoming months as car commercials
are to the beginning of a new year -- plentiful.
I can imagine you, my beloved
hit-bringer reader, tapping your foot impatiently
waiting for any significant message from this information
of which you probably already know of. And, so, here it is..
Recently I shot over the e-mail
below to popular modern gaming magazine, EGM. I’m not
exactly entirely sure just why, but after reading the previews
in the most recent issue, I felt like shouting out some. I
am really not expecting them to post it in the actual game
magazine, but I did do it anyhow. Go read it.
To: <egm@ziffdavis.com>
I know that I'm probably writing this in vain since Fall
is peering into reach. And us gamers all know what Fall/Winter
means. Why yes, pokefreak, the period when the year's top
of the line video titles pour out into shipments every other
week. One can be swept away in such an advertisement and
brightlighted hype-filled two or three-month campaign, especially
from just coming out of a game-less Summer draught. My letter
to you is a cry for little metaphoric light bulbs to shine
brightly upon your caps that hide unwashed mullets.
Now that I have
you confused, it's time for me to spring up my main question.
Do you remember the original Nintendo? I mean really remember
it? Before you brush me off with your large Xbox induced
tentacles, humor a fool and hear me out. What gaming system
do you know has naked women in all of their eight bit glorifying
art? I ask you, son, how much hilarity may one receive by
answering a Christian bible game's question of "Jesus
said that God's word is..." with 'lightning'? A whole
lot. Seen any exploding Hitler heads on the Gamecube lately?
And the last time I checked the PSOne did NOT offer lovable
fat men enlightening you with "I am Error" quotes.
Some people get a kick out of fancy computer graphic explosions
in their games. I, on the other hand, am quite satisfied
with exploding hamsters in a mansion full of maniacs. What's
all this hubbub about Stuntman? You can't beat the original
Excitebike's tricks. Now he's a real hard ass! Oh and remember
when everyone used to play Mega Man? Not like today when
only the weirdoes do. (Damn you, weirdoes!)
You see a system
does not become defunct when games stop being produced.
It becomes so when gamers stop enjoying them. Look at yourselves!
Some of you slobbering over the newest screen shots of the
Metroid game. Posting messages all over the Internet predicting
how games will turn out and "representing" your
favorites (GTA3 #1!!!!!!!). Use your free time wisely. Pull
out the old NES. Treat yourself to some old school bliss.
Let the brand new 2 seconds of game footage movies come
and go. Instead of counting off the days until release dates,
indulge yourself in some Ninja Gaiden and familiarize yourself
with sleeper hits such as Xexyz. Take the in between lack
of quality new games as a hint to play more older hits.
There's nothing
wrong with new generation gaming. The only thing wrong is
forgetting the past generation. If you forget your roots
then you better get used to the name Error, Error.
