Lee Trevino's Fighting Golf. Lee-fucking-Trevino's Fighting Golf. Who is Lee Trevino, anyway? Can anyone reading this really say they heard of this man before? I don't follow golf religiously or anything but I am able spot a few famous golfers' names like Jack Nicklaus. Lee Trevino just draws up a very large mental blockage, almost as much as the second part of the title--the "fighting" segment. If this game was unlicensed I'd swear it was a beat-em-up with golf clubs. I mean, take a look at the title screen's fires of hell and the sadistic look on this "Lee Trevino" character. The lunatic is thirsty for blood.

Alas to my dismay I soon found out Fighting Golf is just another golf simulator. It's not too bad either considering it is an eight-bit golf game.

And that my fellow readers is where the compliments about Lee Trevino's outing cease. This game is jam packed with so many grammatical errors and half-assed sentences it makes my head spin. Plus I found out a little something about "Mr. Mystero", himself. He's a damned perverted voyeur. Don't believe me?

Lee Trevino is one sick son of a bitch of a golfer. C'mon, Lee man, your name is on a family sport product! Play it long enough to see if the developers slip in a panty shot before picking up the check! That's all I'm saying!

Anywah. The errors! Oh yes, the errors. Lee presents a hint at the beginning of each hole to help aid you in keeping your strokes down. Not a bad idea by any measure! Unfortunately this then leads us to the next dark piece to the Lee Trevino identity puzzle.

He's illiterate.

Most of his comments are almost always incoherent and spit out in jumbled messes. There are really too many to list from all the stages in the game, so I stuck to only the USA course.

Mr. Trevino is really turning out to be a great role model for the kids. Uneducated, sex-crazed, and supposedly violent! I just described roughly 80% of professional athletes! Yay!

Let's see who is really behind all this "fighting"...

FRESH As in 'Fresh Prince of Bel-Air'. Only Japanese and not from West Philadelphia. We're on to something, Watson. Something big.

TARZIN Long lost brother to Tarzan? Or was this another design mistake. . . hold up . . . I get it now. It's all coming into place. TARZAN, half man/half ape, is responsible for all of the garbled translations! Now that helps explain everything!

SLEEPING He just keeps getting better. The other designer napped while Tarzan developed the game! Lee Trevino, you tool!

BORN IN NARA Damn. This just totally threw a wrench into my argument. Now I'm back to a state of confusion. Terrific. Just great.

Fuck this, I'm sticking with Nintendo's Golf from now on!