Good
Morning to you too, General Hawk. The game begins dramatically
enough with an objective breifing from the General. However...
ALART
If
you examine closely the surroundings you'll see on the
first scrolling monitor the word ALART. Alert,
General, it's spelled 'alert'. And if you slowly move
your eyes to the right of the monitor to the next thin
screen you'll see ARART.
Now,
you have the right to call me nitpicky by calling the
developers out with 'alart'--it could have been a rushed
typo. ARART, on the other hand, what the f--YO JOE, GO
BACK TO SCHOOL!
I
also found something peculiar by the way General Hawk
speaks. He appears in nearly all cut-scenes to be alluding
to something more personal. . . more intimate. And although
this free-spirited liberal is more than open for the expression
of sexual preference, the General is further carrying
the stereotype that the real-life "G.I. Joes"
hate. You know, YMCA. In the Navy. Uh. . . John Waters'
Hairspray?
Furthermore
if ALART and the General's homosexuality weren't enough
to warrant G.I.'s enrollment in our NES Engrish
directory, the various enemy cut-scenes are acutally much
worse.
DOWN
HERE IN THE SEWERS, YOU WILL NOT FIND LIFE SO EASY! !
Donatello
says, "Bogus, man. Like, totally uncalled for."
DESTRO'S
FORCES WILL BE YOUR ULTIMATE CHALLENGE! !
You
can't forget Cobra Commander now. Badass also never received
the education he so rightfully deserved in America. Instead,
thanks to the tax cuts that took out of public school
funding, Cobra went on to a life of terrorism and misspellings.
TRY,
AND TRY, I WILL NOT BE STOPED, THE WORLD WILL SOMEDAY
BE MINE! !
Before
I forget, Cobra Commander belts out a slew of erotic statements
himself. Maybe if the General and him got together. .
.
You
see those flames!? Those are the flames of a sexually
confused terrorist dictator!
Nobody
said you were, honey. Growl. Hissssss.
Nuh-uh.
That's where the fun loving stops and the animal abuse
begins. Ciao!
