CV Otaku: Hello everyone. CV "kick ass" Otaku here, hosting yet another video game death match. CO-hosting this episode is an expert in the field of fighting. A man that has inspired me to be everything that I could possibly be. Doc from Punch Out! Welcome Doc.
Doc: Whassup CV! We're here to see some good old fashioned fighting, eh?
CV Otaku: Yes...yes we are. Tonight our two contenders will be Samus Aran from Metroid, and her opponent Link from the Legend of Zelda series.
Doc: Yeah, this should be a good fight.
CV Otaku: So Doc, who's your favorite in the fight tonight?
Doc: Well, personally, I think Samus Aran is going to kick elven butt.
CV Otaku: Really? Any particular reason why?
Doc: Well, Samus has a gun. Link has a knif...er sword. My momma always used to say "He who lives by the sword, dies by the gun." I think we're going to see that in action tonight.
CV Otaku: Ah, I see. Words of wisdom from your family.
Doc: Yeah...Mac used to be my family. Until he left me out of Super Punch-Out. I brought that boy up from the streets of Harlem and taught him everything that he knew. He was just a white boy living in a black neighborhood. Cracker probably wouldn't have lived until the age of 16 if it wasn't for me. I saw something in that boy that no one else did. I knew he was a boxer. AND THIS IS HOW HE REPAID ME?!?!? I'm hosting a stupid video game death match for a website. Stupid white kid.
CV Otaku: ...er...right...well, let's head down to planet Zebes to check out the contenders.
CV Otaku: Well, it looks like our fighters are starting with the preliminary insults.
Doc: Mac used to insult his opponents.
CV Otaku: And it looks like Samus has initiated battle.
Doc: And Link is...still complaining.
CV Otaku: And...Link is still
whining.
Damn,
that cracker can whine!
CV Otaku: While he's whining. *turns towards Doc* So Doc. If you were given the chance to see ANYBODY in a death match...who would YOU pick?
Doc: I'd pick...Little Mac, ungrateful bastard, and Donatello the Ninja Turtle. And then I'd hope that Donatello would kick his little cracker ass.
CV Otaku: Okay...*hint hint Lisker* Doc has picked his favorites for the next death match. Oh...it looks like the fight is getting good.
CV Otaku: uh...never mind...
CV Otaku: Ah here we go. Looks like
CV Otaku: And Link attacks with struggling force! Samus gets ready to fight.
CV Otaku: ...and Link is complaining again...
CV Otaku: And Samus deals a shocking blow!
CV Otaku: ...and Link is...dead...
Doc: That is disgusting. Hey CV, I thought you said no one really DIES in these things.
CV Otaku: ...that's what Lisker told me.
Doc: Lying cracker!
CV Otaku: Uh...maybe he's not dea...yeah, that's it! He's not REALLY dead. It's an optical illusion folks. He's probably in the back cleaning his sword.
Doc: No way. That foo' is dead. Saw the bullet go into his cracker heart.
CV Otaku: Doc...shut up...
Doc: ...
CV Otaku: Anyway, that's it for this deathmatch folks. Anything you'd like to say to the audience before we go, Doc?
Doc: Yeah...join the Nintendo Fan Club.
CV Otaku: ...what the hell?
Doc: A classic Pep Talk I used to give Mac. (CV Note: No kidding. Check out Punch-Out if you don't believe me)
CV Otaku: And we're out of here. As for me, I'm CV Otaku and this is my hand...my hand in your FACE! (Catch phrase)