11. Rad Racket
Deluxe Tennis II
Instructions
Instructions
(pg 3)
Rad Racket Deluxe Tennis II does not deserve to be afforded such
an obnoxiously long title. This is stripped down tennis that, although
seemingly offering more options than Nintendo's simple Tennis,
fails to provide the level of fun and action of that much more basic title.
The character selection screen is quite offensive to me and hopefully to you, the reader, as well. Besides the racial implications inferred by having Chang an expert of "chop," whatever it means to chop the ball in tennis terms who knows, the player with the name Michael is portrayed as a person with a serious 'Michael or Michelle' dilemma. As you can see, indeed, none of the other tennis players went away unscathed either. The Mexican looks greasy, the black guy's eyes are much too close together (signifying his great intelligence, I'm sure), and the other two on top look disturbingly creepy. In fact, now that I look closer, Chang and his bearded freak admirer to the left are looking a little too "friendly" in their squares next to one another. They just want to break from tennis and run away together. Damn the oppressive politics of gay interracial relationships!
You are given the option of playing on a grass, clay, or hard court. Unfournately there doesn't seem to be much of a difference between any of them, besides the colors. San Jose and Vegas should not look like the same locales. They also probably shouldn't be advertising the horror that is Dudes with Attitude. At least it's stupid fun to stand up against the net and pummel the ball.
Thrown in with the randomness of a 70-year-old streaker, if you press select during play a rat appears on the court. (Yes, a rat.) That's right; the little rodent is this game's only saving grace. And what an amazing grace it is! I will admit thus far my review of Rad Racket has been entirely negative, but with this strange addition, it's like a great weight has been lifted off of me. This rat is the Christ-like Savior to this otherwise forgetable tennis title. To say it caught me off guard to see the ref bellow out "Yuk a rat" would be a major understatement. I give my sincere kudos to AVE for keeping me on my toes. They know the product was inferior to other sports titles before release, so they said the hell with it and threw in a feature that they could honestly say is unique to their game (the fucking rat king).
And this rat isn't just there to give the Mexican a bite on the ankle or keep Chang company either. Manage to hit it with a tennis ball and you'll automatically win the set and game. (They all thought I was crazy when I tried out for the tennis team in high school and asked if we were playing by traditional "animal death wins set" rules. The first to be cut, I was, even when my game was on that day at practice, too! Maimed two birds, killed a squirrel, and hit a passing deer. Who's the crazy one now, Coach Roberts!)
Fantastic win! Transgendered Michael will now eat the $150,000 prize money from this silver plate.
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