Please take note: Some of the photos in the following feature are VERY graphic in nature. If you get queasy at the sight of blood or gore (like me), be prepared to do some quick scrolling.
Most of the special features on Nintendo Player are nothing more than fun diversions written to prolong the NES excitement in the reading players. This feature, on the other hand, is going to stray from this past narrow scope of writings and instead try to prove to hold a substantial message along with the regular Nintendo tie-in. That "substantial" message is clear. McDonald's is more than meets the bun: Mickey D's is an evil corporation out to kill you. A bit harsh? I'd say so myself and I wouldn't want to put it in any other way. After reading this article I hope if you do currently eat at McDonald's (or any other fast food place for that matter--God forbid you may be even eating some of that garbage as you read this) is that you stop immediately.
I, like the many pessimists out there, laughed at the people who tried to sue McDonald's for "making them obese." It was, of course, their choice to stop there and feed their faces in this chemical slime. This is just another frivolous lawsuit in the Homeland that thrives upon them! Why should the big company be held responsible? Obesity is a big problem in America--this we all know. But is McDonald's and fast food to blame? I thought: no. If you reading and are in agreement with these statements, you thought a lot like I did before. Again, it is my wish at the end of this feature to change your mind set. I know mine has.
I attended this year's Philadelphia Film Festival, held at the University of Penn's International House, and saw a multitude of great talented work. From the amazing work of The Corporation to the locally-produced documentary Otaku-Unite. One of my favorites, though, called Super Size Me, came from an unknown filmmaker by the name of Morgan Spurlock. His documentary's premise? Divulge in a diet consisting of only the McDonald's food menu for 30 straight days. His mouth muscle work-out covers all meals of the day: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. A novel idea, one that I thought would be curious to see. Well, as you can tell, the movie was much more shocking to me. Spurlock managed to create a well-rounded, insightful, and hilarious piece of work that left me stunned and angry. It led me to believe that McDonald's, as a single chain, is only the beginning of the chain of problems that traveled from public schools all the way up to the shoddy, "laid back" US government's FDA regulations.
After the showing, the filmmaker took some questions and revealed a surprising tidbit. He said that exactly 6 weeks after showing the docu at Sundance, an independent film festival held in Utah, the Fast Food Corporate announced the introduction of their "Adult Happy Meals", consisting of a stepometer (a device used in the actual movie), a salad, and a spring water. The option to "super size" drink and fry orders to the largest size, used from the title of the film, was also quickly removed from the McMenu. Coincidence? I happen to think not as the biggest change in the McCaptialist's menu that I've ever witnessed in my 18 years was the addition of the McFlurry a couple years back. It goes to show the power in the individual food-consumer: you. With that in mind, let me tell you a little more about Mickey D's company policies before moving on to the Data East's developed title for the Famicom: Donald Land--a Japan-only McDonald's game that nobody's played.
McDonald's CEO Jim Cantalupo, 44, died April of this year. The cause of death? Heart attack.
The corporate's slogan changed in 2003 to "I'm lovin' it." Apparently this claim is true, as 37% of American kids are "lovin' it" so much so that they've become obese and are open to a number of diseases at such young ages, including the leading cause of diabetes, on top of the longer-term threats of heart attack, heart disease, cancer, or even death [2 of 3 adults fall into this category as well].
It is fair to begin with the young generation first, to see where the scope of the problem begins. Ray Kroc, the praised founder of McDonald's and wartime friend of Walt Disney, chose in the 1960's to specifically target families and children. As Genesis reads, "It was done and God said it was good."
For me, as a child, McDonald's was a simple and pain-free solution to my mother's problem of feeding a stubborn, picky eater. The place doubled as a daycare center, as a delightful, China-imported plastic thing came inside of each Happy Meal. Shortly after was the outdoor playground, consisting of slides and balls. Just the two of us made these trips as a half-day amusement--I would play and she would chat with the other mothers doing the same routine day in and day out.
Today McDonald's properties contain more playgrounds than any other privatized organization in the US and is one of the largest distributors of toys. Apparently this "half-day amusement" has turned into a fairly successful ploy. It worked in my family, and hooked us in for years to come.
How many national chain restaurants do you know spend their time creating their own "land" for their child-oriented corporate icons to live in? None. Only McDonald's.
Do you still think children have a choice to walk away? Remember these guys? Did you walk away from a Happy Meal knowing your best pal, Mario, was inside? I know I didn't. 'Bad parenting' is an easy target to wag a finger at, but when you're working 9 to 5, anything that will shut the kids up for a night will cause a parent to Mcdrive on over.
We started this discussion with one question: Why should the company itself be held responsible when it's the people's own consent to eat there? There are a variety of reasons that could answer this legitimate argument, but the two most crucial (at least when adolescents are concerned) are school intervention and food addiction.
"School lunches are sucking", exclaims Spurlock as he observes an elementary's school cafeteria woman heating up packaged chicken and pizza. That they are. In a country where public education funds are declining, school districts are forced to make pacts with large food and drink distributors to pack their vending machines and food trays with unhealthy snack food and main entrees. If that wasn't bad enough, physical education (gym) classes are on a decline as well--with exercise not stressed and such classes acting more like a "free period" than any kind of healthful energy release. The parents are counting on the school and the school counts on the district which counts on the state which counts on legislation and education plans. As we all know, school takes up most of a kid's life. So a combination of bad school food policies coupled with weekend (or worst, after school) visits to McDonald's, is really cutting any healthy food intake to the bare minimum.
Food addiction is another interesting concept to look into and one I can adequately credit as a leading factor. Anyone who comes in contact with me knows that I am one of the biggest fans of Coke. Yep, Coca~Cola, the official drink of America also happens to be my soft drink of choice. That is, until a new ingredient came to my attention. A "little" ingredient you should remember and try to "stay away" from as much as you can. This ingredient is... HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP. Remember it. Memorize it.
Now notice how I put "stay away" in quotations. I want you to pause your reading right this second and walk downstairs to the kitchen. I guarantee that all--all--of your favorite soft drinks, snacks, cereals, NutraGrains, or whatever you enjoy to indulge in has this special little recipe, FDA's dirty secret, in it somewhere--probably the first, second, or third active ingredients too. For Coke, fructose corn syrup is its second most leading additive. What exactly is this recurring magical recipe, you ask? It's stuff dreams are made of: a thick combination of sugar that grabs hold of your taste buds in what is deemed sweeter than sugar and never lets go. It's also one of the leading ingredients that add pounds on. Fat. And we're throwing it down our bodies at every junction of eateries/grocery stores in the United States.
If it's not a high dose of fructose corn syrup that adds that special "New Jersey chemical flavorness" to your favorite drink/food, then it's probably just plain ol' sugar. At least sugar is McDonald's favorite. If the amounts of sugar found in your caffeinated fountain drinks weren't enough, Mickey D's actually adds EVEN MORE to its McMenu for more addictive purposes. I can't make this stuff up! Take it from me, a former Coke inhaler, that when I decided to stop drinking Coca Cola for a day or two, I can get moody. Really, really moody. Depressed, even. Know what I'm talking about? That's the caffeine and sugar addiction working, calling you back like a drug crave, forcing you to the Mcdrive for a super s--large Coke. Now just imagine yourself stopping by McDonald's everyday after school or work and grabing a Coke that has that specialized extra amount of sugar added onto the already high amount in each cup. Do you think you'll be able to fight off the cravings as easily?
"Oh, and since I'm already here, I guess I'll take a nine piece nugget as well. Since I'm already here, of course."
Speaking of the Mcnugget...
There's an interesting dilemma in this country, though. We joke about being this fast food nation, indulging ourselves with Krispy Kreme donuts and coffee binges every workday, but that's not all: we're not kind to those with weight condition problems. In fact, we have many names for them, including my personal favorite: fat asses. CNN, Fox News, ABC--they all like to show footages of "fat asses", overweight people walking the street with their behinds stretching out of their suffocating jeans while a skinny, collapsed-faced newswoman is grinning before they cut to a commercial.
Our problem is we're DIETING FAT ASSES. Too liberal to say "no" and fight the greatly commercialized fast food industry and at the same token too self-conscious to have a closet full of sweat pants. We want both, and according to some other companies, we can. Jenny Craig, Slim Fast, Julie Roberts, Bally's... there are many names in the multi-million-dollar dieting programs, as well as the overdoses of diet pills and the diet diseases that come along with them: malnutrition, depression, cancer among others. All can also be ultimately deadly and disrupt or create some major kidney problems. Who would have thought?
The South Beach Diet and Atkins are among the newest fads, their collective motto is stressing low carbohydrates, both becoming widely popular and success business-wise (and unsuccessful in the case of Krispy Kreme's declining sales).
Still, the growing trend today isn't so much these rigorous exercise and eating schedules. Instead there's a much faster and easier way to diet. Note the irony. The fastest way to remove the fast food. What exactly is this God-send?
This is fat. This is what McDonald's is creating in your body system--to stay there until it stirs up a medical problem. Don't let it happen to you.
Bariatric, abdominoplasty, and liposuction surgery. Good grief. Now for someone who is completely undisciplined to have been hooked on fatty foods in the first place carries on that tradition by going under the surgical Mcknife. I was planning on attaching some photos of people after their surgeries but opted not to due to the graphic nature--the permanent scars left, the sagging skin laying layer upon layer. It's not a pretty sight, that much is for certain.
I have digressed to the adult problems, though. Before we finally get to the Nintendo video game, I think we should take one more look into how McDonald's is planning their market strategy of "hooking them while they're young."
The McDonald's brand name is found in almost all major toy stores, including Toys R Us in the form of their MC Kids toy line. How can kids NOT get away from fast food when they're even in the toy departments? The company is making it very hard for children to have that choice; impossible even.
Now you can create the sugary, chemical meals at home when you're not in the restaurant! Hook the kids early and young to ensure them comin' back for mo'! How a strangely familiar strategy to Hitler's youth rallies.
Forget the Barbie "pool parties" and "shopping trips" and her outrageous career choices: explorer, deep sea diver, and fashion designer. Finally there is a job kids can actually hope to achieve! Way to set the bar so low! Hamburger University (Oak Brook, Illinois) is always accepting applicants! No SAT scores required; no pressure exerted!
Still not enough McKids excitement for the young ones? Try ROLE PLAYING! How far is going too far?
While we're on the subject of workers, according to a close friend who first worked at a McDonald's joint, he refers to the institution as "hamburger hell." You know how those delightfully one-dimensional sketch comedy television programs show fast food workers behind-the-scenes fumbling over food, dropping it on the floor, and picking up the order whilst wiping the encrusted dirt and dust off it? Apparently this isn't an exaggeration after all. In fact, people have died because of the uncleanliness or inefficiency of the staff. The case story that I've always remembered involves a customer killed by Wendy's from seminal poisoning because the crew didn't cook the 99 cent chicken nuggets long enough. So you need to ask yourself: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk? Do you want to risk your life for a fucking McNugget?
European McDonald's have much stricter guidelines for monitoring a clean food work environment than their American counterparts. In fact, you may have already known that the actual menu and selection of food is totally different and a bit "healthier." Maybe those Europeans aren't so crazy. Maybe they're smarter.
Many of you know (and love) Virgin's NES release MC Kids. (You may remember a year or so ago I interviewed the lead developer.) It was a fun game with excellent graphics and a great sense of challenge. The game appears to have a devoted cult following today with NES aficionados and rightfully so despite the Mcpropaganda within. What most of you probably don't know of is this wasn't Mickey D's first venue into video gaming. The oddly-named "Donald Land" appeared in the Japan scene for the Famicom in Jan. 1988. One word can justly describe this video game: McGobalization.
Instead of controlling a "politically correct" African or Asian-American character, Donald Land has you play as a strangely-drawn, rag doll-esque version of Ronald McDonald. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention: the Japanese have no fear of poking at the company. Case in point, Ronald looks like he gained a lot of weight. So much so that his stomach and thighs are just waiting to collapse down to his feet.
The differences don't stop there. This game happens to be pretty intense and odd. As I said before, you control Ronald ("Donald") traveling around the fairly large ten worlds (Home World, Forest World, Sky World, Oasis World, Cave World, Harbor World, Ocean World, Ghost Town World, Dark Forest World, Castle World) and in the traditional platforming "exercise," have to make it past a fleet of enemies to each an end boss in order to free the trapped McDonaldland cast members. Ronald carries bombs on his person (yes, bombs) and uses them to kill his adversaries, which consist of crying pale-faced children suffering from malnutrition, huge cancer-causing chemically fish farm-raised "seafood" (to make those delicious McFish sandwiches), and bloated balloon-like lungs fighting to take another breath of oxygen to name just a few.
This is how McDonald's envisions their customers as: obese, adult Depends-wearing, ugly, actively hopping, and rock-throwing barbarians. In short, savages on-the-go.
This is all child's play in Japan. Hey, these are the same people who put nudity in their cartoons. The main bad guy here, like MC Kids, is Hamburgular.... although there's some clown beast afterwards you need to beat, too. I don't know what's up with that. The other mini-bosses are not at all characters from McDonaldland but they often have that same very strange charm.
At the end of each stage Ronald winds up in a McDonald's (oh, and I was going to guess CHICK E. LICIOUS...of course) where he can stock up on burgers, chicken nuggets, fries, shakes, and other fatty fare in order to unlock and play a matching game for winning extra continues. You see, in the magical McDonaldland, eating sugar and critic acids makes the body big and strong--adding more "life" to you. This is why you never see the McDonald's crew outside of their bizarro land, except for Ronald. But let me ask you this: Have you ever seen him eating any of the food at McDonald's on those commercials? No! He force feeds the innocent children, who unlike the Clown, do not have unlimited access to McDonaldland. It's a McConspiracy!
Home World:
"Woodpecker"
The first mini-boss in the game happens to be a woodpecker. This usually inedible food needs to die because Ronald can't fit it into his fat mouth. On second thought, take a look at Ronald again. Doesn't it look like he has gained a few hundred? Those are so obviously sweat pants from Marshall's, I just know it.
Back to the woodpecker. The thing causes bird eggs to pummel down at you. Don't eat them, though. I'm warning you. They haven't yet been pasteurized and processed with sodium pyrophosphate into your Egg McMuffin sandwich. Eeewww.
Unlocks: N/A
Forest World:
"Indian"
Birdie has been kidnapped by a Native American! Oh no! They might actually cook her fully and serve some REAL chicken to one another for a change! Oh no, oh no! Save her and hand out to the tribes some seminal-infested chopped-up chicken parts in the form of McNuggets instead! Yuuuuummy yummy in my tummy tummy.
Unlocks: Birdie
Sky World:
"Fire Dinosaur"
This wild-eyed fire monster is on a sugar rush. KILL HIM. NOW.
Unlocks: N/A
Oasis World:
"Floating Skeleton"
Take note of the blood-soaked fangs. This guy just can't say "no" to McDonald's either. Poor guy. Ronald McDonald has created an addicted, starved floating monster out of him. McEviiil!
PRO TIP: HE'LL EAT YOU.
Unlocks: The Fry Guys
Cave World:
"Evil Grimace"
Who knew Grimace had an evil identical, but redder heart-burned, twin? Who cared?
Did you know...the word "grimace" on Dictionary.com means to have "a sharp contortion of the face expressive of pain, contempt, or disgust."
All I know is this evil fat man must be pissed that he didn't get the baritone singing spot on Ronald's latest ROADSIDE SING-A-LONG IN MCDONALDLAND tape (cassette only $2.99 with a value meal, while supplies last).
Also worth mentioning: when Grimmace is saved at last, the screen shakes as he walks. Nice touch. Verry, verry.
Unlocks: Grimace
Harbor World:
"Tomato Plant"
This just goes to show why you should avoid tomatoes, as well as other fruity things and vegetables--unless they're layered between melted cheese and a bun, of course.
Unlocks: N/A
Ocean World:
"Octopus"
The game designers really didn't put any effort at all into this sitting duck. Ronald can walk right over him to the other side to safely lob bombs at it. I honestly waited in the corner of the screen watching the milkshake bubbles flutter from that abused orifice of a mouth.
Reminds me of the poor 400+ pound, bed-ridden, shut ins. Man, that's sad.
I must slay the beast for his own good.
Unlocks: Pirate
Ghost Town World:
"Reappearing Apparitions"
A foreshadowing of Mickey D's most devoted consumers? Is it that their unrest spirits, taken much too soon for their time, are back to haunt Mr. McClown Shoes? You know what to do: FLUSH THEM BACK INTO THE AFTERLIFE SO THAT THEY DON'T DISRUPT BUISNESS. Although, having a haunted McDonald's restaurant might be cool. I can just imagine the advertising prospects during October when they replace the square Happy Meal boxes with those trick-or-treat buckets.
I disgress, call the executives later, right now you need to exorcise these buggers so that they don't upset "legislation." Indeed, the Police Officer has been swayed by the dead McKids' families to favor passing unfavorable laws to our company. Pull a Tony Soprano on these floating fatties and ensure your lobbying interests in Congress are taken care of!
Unlocks: Police
Dark Forest World:
"Fat"
Finally an actual depiction of what fat inside of the body looks like! The Japanese are trying to warn you game players. No wonder this never hit our shores. We got the lovable home boy from Chi-town who collects cards in place of this.
Unlocks: N/A
Castle World:
Boss #1: Hamburgular
The grinning Big Mac bandit in the flesh: Hamburgular. Apparently, that cape isn't for solely decoration--he can fly. He also looks really oriental in the game. THAT'S LOCALIZATION FOR YOU, BABY!
Unlocks: N/A
Castle World:
Boss #2: "Evil Clown"
Ok. Where did this fat fellow come from? After defeating the Hamburgular, the "real" final boss appears. I crown thee: the "hidden boss" representing the "hidden ingredients" of Happy Meals.
Am I the only to notice how many of these bosses appear really big-boned? The 2nd world's Indian chief has a major beer and Quarter Pounder belly, 3rd world's dinosaur carries a stretched stomach, 5th world's Evil Grimmace is huge, the tomato plant in world 6 is blown up, the octopus in 7 is severely overweight, 8 has polterfatties, 9 involves a moving blob of fat, and the final boss is a bloated wizard. That means aside from the first world the one boss that is among the "non-fat"--world 4--is... well, dead, nothing more than a collection of bones. I think this is all telling us something.
FINALLY, at last, a realistic fast food sponsered video game!
Unlocks: Ending
While I don't think it is fair that I should shun such a large chain for attempting to help unhealthy diets (that or defending themselves from an independent documentary filmmaker), it is certainly not nearly enough. Why create an adult happy meal when the children's happy meal still hasn't changed? It's stupid, and looks like nothing more than a transparent ploy to try to fool growingly conscious consumers that the big, friendly company has really been "looking out for you" this whole time. (Ha, a little O'Reilly dig in there.)
The supporting evidence is strong. America loves to use words like "freedom" and "free choice." This is the foundation of the argument that "It was their choice to eat there!" One thing America does not like is too much information. Biases inflict everything. In a word: ignorance. The misinformation, or lack of any information at all, is the thing that thrives all big companies and corporations. "Sure we know that probably eating a Big Mac won't help us lose weight." But do we really know the extent that eating this stuff daily or weekly does to us? I'm going on a limb to say if it wasn't for this "small", inexpensive documentary that was made, McDonald's would have never done a single thing. Why should they? People are "choosing" to eat there and making the "choice" even when doing the food facts. But what food facts? Spurlock in the movie visits a number of McDonald's restaurants and those "food facts", which are required to be shown for customers to see, that contain the ingredients of everything are taken down or even hidden behind promotional items. This is because no one would even look at them if they were up. Other countries have made the stereotype that Americans have really good hearts but they're inheritantly stupid. I, as an American myself, happen to agree. We want to use the problems of our nation as material on our talk shows at night, totally avoiding the serious threats and in fact desensitizing them. Who or when will take these issues seriously and actually make the informative "choice" themselves? Will it be after surgery or the first heart attack?
WELCOME THE NEWEST ADDITION TO THE McMENU--Bacon, Egg & Cheese McGriddles
[McGriddle Cakes:
Enriched bleached wheat flour, sugar, dextrose, vegetable shortening, leavening, brown sugar, contains 2% or less of: rice flour, whey, salt, food starch modified (tapioca), natural flavors {dairy and vegetable source (soy flour)} and artificial flavors, buttermilk solids, maltodextrin, caramel color.
Pasteurized Egg:
Pasteurized whole eggs with sodium pyrophosphate, citric acid, monosodium phosphate- all added to preserve color.
Sharp Pasteurized Processed American Cheese:
Cultured milk, water, cream, sodium citrate, salt, sodium aluminum phosphate, sorbic acid (preservative), sodium phosphate, cheese culture, artificial color, acetic acid, enzymes, lecithin.
Sausage Patty:
Pork, water, salt, sage, spices, corn syrup solids, dextrose, sugar, pepper, monosodium glutamate, natural flavoring (vegetable source), BHA propyl gallate, citric acid.
Cooking Spray Oil:
Partially hydrogenated soybean oil, artificial flavor, soy lecithin, beta carotene (color).]
This is not solely an "attack" on McDonald's alone but also to the collective fast food chains out there. Boycott them! Every one of 'em! From Wendy's to Burger King and over to KFC (whose chicken pot pie happens to be the fattest dish of them all). There are so many other options out there. Get in the habit of packing a lunch or searching around for a Whole Foods grocery store nearby. No, I don't happen to be one of those special "vegan" people, and a double "no" that I would ever place any of that "organic" food in my mouth. I'm talking REAL food. You'd be surprised by how much "good" and "natural" foods actually taste... "good" and "natural." Can't break the Mchabit? Hunt down this quirky game--what I presented was just the "icing" (pardon the pun)--the more you play the more it will scare you to no end and cause you to get away from MCD and explore eating healthy faster than you can say "Biggie Size." Now that's something to be lovin'.
Want more info on this important topic? "Fast Food Nation" is a terrific book to check out if any of this at all interests you. When the clown asks to take your order, remember this: what you eat is who you are. I don't know about you, but I'd hate to be a lump of processed fats and sugar.
