 Poor
Translation
Games
from the Original Nintendo, such as Zelda II,
suffered from less than mediocre in-game text. We soon
got over it, though, or didn't even take notice in our
early years as a child. The now infamous line, "I
am Error.", holds a special meaning to every NES
fan alive for sentimental reasons. This special feature
goes to show that, even if not as bad as before, poor
translations are still present in today's games. I will
be focusing on one title in particular for this specific
article. Note: If you are offended by a modern game
on this strictly-NES website, leave now or forever...be
offended.
A
large buzz came rumbling from a website, not too long
ago featuring the "All your Base Are Belong to Us"
quote , a spoof based off of a horrid translation of a
SEGA Genesis title. Now that we are approaching the 128-bit
era of graphical delight, one would seem safe to say there
would be no worry to see such bad English anymore.
Well,
Pablo, you are dead wrong.
Look
up. Now, pick up your jaw. Notice these? Excellent, you've
classified them as apart of the female anonymity. Okay,
I DO have a reason to my madness, trust me. These
bazookas are from a fighting game called Dead Or Alive
2 (or DOA2, for short). Quite recently I hooked my
Dreamcast back up (for ole time's sake), as I got a craving
for some senseless kicking and outrageously impossible
karate moves that only Tecmo could deliver in style and
bosoms.
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Now,
to the tie-in of my DOA mentioning (and to prove
to those that believe I added breasts just to please
myself), this game quite possibly has some of the
worst (and funniest) translation errors I've seen
since Error, himself. DOA2, which
received above average review scores, is a top-notch,
very stunning fighting game - but the translation,
as I've already commented on, is utterly laughable.
"How
laughable is it, man?"
It's
SOO laughable that I'm about to show you
screen shots of the errors, and I guarantee you'll
get a smirk here or there. Come now; join me,
as we go into the wonderful world of pitiful translating
attempts. Shall we?
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| WRESTLING
IS THE STRONGEST! |
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My
Comments:
BUT
CORRECT ENGLISH ISN'T YOUR STRONGEST FEATURE! A
good start for our look at the game's only true text,
which is shown at the beginning and end of fights.
The character in the picture spews more than his fair
share of nonsense.
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My
Comments:
No,
you fool! It's because you're a white BA Baracus!
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| A
legend began this moment! |
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My
Comments:
And,
just then, two English teachers (somewhere) died reading
this.
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My
Comments:
Who
the hell are YOU to be telling who is immature
or not? You're the guy with the pointy objects coming
out of your shirt, Mr. Pointy-Objects-Coming-Out-Of-Your-Shirt
Man!
A
classic example of a translator not understanding
the actual-to- implied logic of our wonderful English
language. "You're too weak/untrained" was
probably what Tecmo meant.
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My
Comments:
It's
a bit hard to tell from the blurry picture, but, this
is a comment from another character named Gen Fu (I
love these creative Japanese names). The wise master/librarian
shows off his extensive vocabulary with addressing
you as lazybones?
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| Follow
me! Start from the very beginning! |
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My
Comments:
Ahh,
it's our retarded friend from before, giving us some
very obscure instructions. Let's see. Follow him,
start from the very beginning. The beginning of what,
huh? Wait, wait, wait don't tell me - is this one
of those zen class, internal reason thingies, right?
Free your mind...all is good...HUUUUUUUMMMMM HUUUUUUMMM...I
suggest we hit the BONG next, mastah.
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| I
won't have mercy even for a beginner! |
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My
Comments:
There
he is again with some harsh, but shittastically shiznaztradamus
threats.
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My
Comments:
First
off, place your hand over the picture on the left.
(I cannot be held responsible for any spasms/retardation
that may occur as side effects.)
Gen
Fu strikes again proving that he is, in fact, a confused
old man. Hey, at least he has the name. Maybe later
he'll hook-up with Wu-Tang and do a Trackmasters collaboration.
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| I
became stronger, didn't I? |
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My
Comments:
In
a fighting, kung-fu sense or a "Stronger"
- Brittney Spears sense? I'm going with the latter
and saying your breasts look just fine, babe.
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My
Comments:
Lemme
get this straight. You are surrounded by barely clothed,
sexy polygon women and you are excited about victory?
(cough)gay(cough)notthattheresanythingwrongwithit(cough)
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My
Comments:
Ouch.
And this game is rated T ?
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My
Comments:
And
I saved the best for last. Anybody else getting a
dose of dejavu? That's right! This looks very similar
to the ending commentary of the NES game Pro Wrestling:
"A Winner is You" quote. Although not as
powerful a statement as before, it will suffice for
the future generations.
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As proven in
the above evidence, translation problems can still be found today
- although on a much "rarer" or hidden manner. People
complain that voice acting in games are often terrible. I say that
in the case of a non-absorbing game, stand-out and annoying voice
actors or actresses can make a video game's characters more interesting
in the same sense as a title like Zelda II did years back.
I guess you can say the "newer generation" has found an
Error in its own technology. Ironic, no? Speaking of the man, if
Nintendo would only include Error in the next Zelda
title my life would be nearly complete. Time to start a petition,
people.
I am Mike. A
winner is you for reading!
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