[Beware!
These are games that star penguins. Vicious penguins.]
Publisher:
Konami
Genre:
Arcade
Released:
1985
Antarctic
Adventure is a really quirky cartridge, to say the least.
Produced by HES in Australia and in Japan by Konami, it is only
available in North America via pirated multi-carts. I, myself,
own one of these pirate carts that have the game because, if I'm
not mistaken, it is one of the more common titles to be included
in them.
Konami
developed a lively little penguin title here with an even jumpier
rendition of Swan Lake playing in the background to set the mood.
After determining the level of game speed on the "play select"
screen, a penguin -- you, Mr. Penguin, begins on the continent
(at least I think it is a continent... damn mental block of biased
elementary school history classes! When will you people learn
the answer isn't always "Christopher Columbus!") of
Antarctica. The individual points on the map translate to stages
that play out behind the perspective of Mr. Penguin's back, similiar
to Contra's 3-D/third-person levels. Mr. Penguin wobbles
around Antarctica's many snowy regions, through hairpin turns
and a couple of obstacles (it's really not exciting as I make
it out to be).
The
little guy can pick up flags and jumping fish for extra points
as well as spinning propeller beanies along the way. Sometimes
Mr. Penguin has to jump openings in the snow and move around the
troublesome amount of seals that block the way. If he arrives
at shelter before time runs out, Mr. Penguin then goes on to mount
a particular country's flag on its roof. Why? Well... Why not?
Apparently Mr. Penguin's got nothing better to do.
As
simple as all this might sound, I got strangely addicted before
I even knew what hit me. Here are a few warning signs that should
tell you right away you've been playing too much of Antarctic
Adventure.
.....You
go out to a frozen pond that has hazard signs warning the public
not to skate and try to flap your arms over the many watery openings.
.....You
really, really obsess over seeing the film version of the
Nutcracker starring Macaulay Culkin.
.....You
begin to think you're a beautiful and plump ballerina, and so
you prance elegantly around the living room floor.
.....You
put the game on pause and go to a local dance hall and insist
waving your right arm is the latest craze.
.....You
run on people's lawns and steal whatever flags they may have waving
outside.
.....You
climb up on top of random people's ranch houses, plant a French
flag on the roof, and then noisely hum "La Marseillaise."
.....You
suddenly cancel your vacation to Disneyland and reschedule it
to Antarctica.
.....You
write a list of warning signs online telling people you've been
playing way too much of Antarctic Adventure.
If
any of these signs appear during the game's ten levels: immediately
turn the game off and lay down.
Tips/Codes:
None.
Publisher:
Konami
Genre:
Beat 'em Up
Released:
January 1993
Batman
Returns (based thereon the Tim Burton film of the same name)
is unquestionably a decent and ambitious brawler for the NES.
I say this knowing there is a sizable amount of small flaws that
slowly pile up (it pales in comparison to SunSoft's
Batman). But still yet, it's got 'spunk' and plenty of graphical
flare to amaze and look past the bad stuff.
The
film [and video game] starts off at the city's annual Christmas
tree lighting ceremony that is being conducted by the mayor of
Gotham City (played by Christopher Walken). When suddenly, popping
open of oversized gift box props, the notorious Red Triangle Circus
gang busts out in front of the crowd of spectators. Batman is
signaled.
Batman
Returns is without any doubt the greatest NES title to carry
a Christmas theme. I mean, really, how much better can honest-to-goodness
beat 'em up gameplay strung along with a storyline taking place
during the holiday season get? You kick ass in the name of Christmas!
Batman, will you marry me?
Look
it's Danny Devito; the guy from Taxi! He's not a wise crackin',
tough taxi boss this time around though. No, far worse. HE'S A
PENGUIN! The Penguin. Now ladies and gentlemen - Now
we have the all-time greatest holiday game on our hands here.
The
premise is Batman has to clean up the mess Penguin left behind
at Gotham City in a slew of fighting stages; and boy are these
stages truly dark and disturbing, reflecting the true noir nature
of the film (and its director).
Later
the player is put into a truly awesome Batmobile level full of
clown kamikazes and a fleeting circus train. Can't forget to mention
the battle of the Rubber Ducky, either!
Hell hath no wrath like rubber ducky.
At
last, after all of that mayhem, Batman finally finds himself inside
the core of the Penguin's sewer lair. To quote a one Drake Mallard
(Darkwing Duck): "Let's get dangerous!"
Much
to my disappointment, the legions of penguins waddling while carrying
missles strapped to their backs is missing from this important
scene. No matter how much the Caped Crusader messes up the Penguin,
PETA has really won this battle, Batman. I really wanted to bust
up some penguins, man--not just the fat guy. Ah well.
The
Penguin arms himself accordingly to the movie by holding his patent
deadly machine gun-fire umbrella. He can also fly above Batman
and drop a string of explosives. Your best bet is to wait for
clearance from the dropping bombs when he's aerial and use the
grapple hook. Hopefully you chose to save a few batarangs before
the fight for when he is roaming the ground and open to attacks.
Conclusion:
Needs more explosive penguins.
Apparently
there's also a better ending to the game if you survive all 16
stages without using a continue. Yeah, exactly. I'll never
see it either.
The
"bad" ending is more than enough and pretty nice as
it is. Through magical voodoo programming powers Konami added
in the ability for the player to control the penguin (top right
pic): "A" is to move its beak and "B" for
it to blink. I must be very easily amused because I couldn't stop
flapping the beak for at least fifteen minutes or so. Touche,
darling. Lovely. Simply gray poupon.
Tips/Codes:
Stage
select - Enter password: Y*31 21 3191 11. The first level
appears but now you can use controller 2's Left and Right directional
buttons to select which stage you care to visit.
Publisher:
Konami
Genre:
Platformer
Released:
1991
God,
I must say Yume Penguin Monogatari is one hell of a game.
Konami really outdid themselves on this doozy platformer. Everything
is so God damn bizarre that it was love from first sight.
The
story goes Penta (Player 1) eats too much and therefore turns
into an overweight, little male penguin. This doesn't go too well
with Penta's girl, who seems too stuck up for my taste. She dumps
Penta on account of his bulging stomach and becomes 'nice nice'
with Ginji--the pimp-looking penguin who wears a top hat and shades.
The levels that then play out involve Penta's attempt to lose
weight and get across enemies hired by Ginji in a certain time
limit. When he reaches the end, Penta calls his penguin dear to
report back. Diet drinks and other items help to keep Penta's
weight down in order for him to perform more elaborate and powerful
moves on enemies. The more Penta eats, the fatter he becomes,
and the slower/weaker his attacks become. There are precisely
7 levels (yep, including the coveted "ice stage") and
each of which manage to be fun, unique, and often humorous on
their own. Bravo, Konami.
Yume
Penguin Monogatar is a very novel idea indeed, and the best
penguin-starring game for the Famicom hands down. Play it by any
and all means necessary.
Penta
needs to try the Atkins program or maybe Lucy Roberts.
(For
more information about this title, visit: kalevan's
tavern.)
Tips/Codes:
N/A
Publisher:
Konami
Genre:
Shooter
Released:
1992
Behold
Parodius: the greatest shooter for the NES! Well,
at least the best one that most NES gamers know about. The reason
for this obscurity is due to its PAL-only
release, meaning it never reached North American shores. Just
because it never made it to NTSC format doesn't insult the quality
inside of this title, though. Superb graphics and effects, spot-on
control, a great deal of creativity (for an otherwise dull genre),
and an inherit sense of humor all aid to bond the scope of this
breathtaking shooting adventure.
Pick
the penguin ship, and a-go-go-shoot-shoot away to blissfulness
in Parodius!
Tips/Codes:
Full
power - Pause the game and press Up (twice), Down (twice),
Left (twice), Right (twice), A, B, A, B.
Publisher:
ASCII
Genre:
Arcade
Released:
1985
Penguin-Kun
Wars may not be the most impressive technological achievement
of the century, but what it lacks in polish it more than makes
up for in fun factor and incredible satisifaction of whacking
furry animals with rubber balls.
Basically,
a penguin--in my case, "BOB"--has entered a tournment
in which the rules state whomever winds up with fewer balls on
their side when the timer runs out wins, or whomever manages to
get all of their to the oppent's side automatically wins the set
and receives a perfect score. Seems simple enough, eh? It is and
remains the number one factor that keeps the game addictive enough
to want to progress further. It's the sort of game that has you
thinking "Okay, this is the last match!" for ten consecutive
times in a row.
Early
on things are pretty calm, so it's best to get some techniques
down flat. I don't mean to downplay Penguin-Kun Wars in
any way, because more than just a sprinkle of strategy is involved
here. The best way to succeed is to never underestimate the other
guy. Always try to deflect incoming balls at all times. Use the
projectile that appears mid-playing field to send balls quickly
flying to the other side. And the essential key to winning is
"stunning" the other player for a few seconds by striking
them with a ball. Later in the game these innocent, cute critters
can turn into raging bastards and pound you over and over again
in the head with balls so that when you recover from a hit, you
wind up back on your penguin ass again. They can be vicious SOBs
if they so desire. That's the sign it's time to play dirty in
order to win. When you knock one of them down, immediately pick
up another ball to send its way for a double hit while alternating
the main task of ridding yourself of the other balls. Continue
this back-and-forth motion until you're through with all balls.
War
is hell.
A
series of bonus games break up the monotony and teary-eyed competitive
nature of the tournament.
The
first bonus area of a bracket is much like Arkanoid, or
a game of air hockey versus the computer. Often two or three rubber
balls are in motion at the same time. Timing the impact of the
ball on your paddle, you can press either "A" or "B"
to deliver a faster deflection.
The
second is a whack-a-mole type game, only now with the intention
to use balls. This can become more of a luck scenario than anything
else. Bombs are constantly being regenerated, meaning there is
no possibility of running out.
The
third and final bonus game deals with bombs. The longer a bomb
stays on a side, the greater the chance it'll soon explode.
Once
the current bracket is won, you will enter another set of brackets.
These consist of typically the same sets you've had before, except
for new randomized elements like the addition of bombs and a paddle
mid-field during the traditional matches.
I've
just begun describing the brillance of Penguin-Kun Wars.
I order you to somehow track down a copy (by the way, this title
is commonly placed in multi-carts just as Antarctic Adventure)
and play for the good of the penguins around the world. They deserve
it. BOB SET AND MATCH.
Tips/Codes:
N/A
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