Summer Vacation
Mike - Summer '03

Summer has finally come after a long rain forecast hit here on the east coast. We can now celebrate by going out in the sun and taking part in all of the ceremonial aspects of the season, having hamburger and hot dog cook-outs, going to the beach, and even planning a vacation!

So I got to thinking. How would NES characters spend their summer vacation? What would they do? Where would they go? In this segment we like to call "How I spent my summer vacation", NES people get to go wherever and do whatever and we get to watch! Sweet deal.

 

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How I spent my summer vacation
By: Error

I am...

Error was a bit stressed when he wrote his vacation statement, so I'll translate it for the rest of us. Day in and day out, says Error, he is forced to say a single, cryptic line of dialogue while confined in his oddly shaped, little, brick house. Error does not like. He wants others to know that he is, in fact, an intellectual and admirer of the fine arts. Error enjoys painting still life, writing prose about lost love and wandering souls, likes to debate political issues, and dabbles in singing tenor. Most of all, Error exclaims passionately, he wants the chance to be able to express himself in a free environment. I think we can help him make that a reality.

Where did Error decide to vacation? I just received a post card from the man himself all the way from California, USA! Take a look at the new and improved Error freely expressing himself.

 

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How I spent my summer vacation
By: Shredder

I refuse to write. Kill the turtles!

Ho, ha-ha. Why are all the evil geniuses such prima donnas? Honestly! I hear Skeletor's 'people' must summon a glass of Dom Peringnon so that he may take a couple of sips each time before doing battle with He-Man.

It is embarrassing for me to say this, since I did give him money to buy the plane ticket, but I haven't received word back from Shredder yet. I wonder where he could have went.

Meanwhile...

Guard #1: Sir, are you positive you don't have any metal objects that may be triggering the alarm?
Shredder: Son of a BITCH! This is supposed to be my friggin' vacation, damnit. I told you, lesser Dimension-R-etard, NO!
Guard #2: That's some fine security work, Steve.
Guard #1: Thanks, Bill. I try my best..
Shredder: Hello?! Hi! It's me! The evil genius whom probably missed his plane by a couple of.. dozen hours! CHRISSAKE! I swear, I could have been plotting, at least, two or three ingeniously hookey schemes to kill the turtles by now..
Guard #1: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY??
Shredder: What..?
*Guard #2 throws Shredder to the ground*
Guard #2: YOU CAN'T SAY "KILL" IN THE AIRPORT! NEW SECURITY MEASURES ISSUED BY G.W. HIMSELF!
Shredder: The turtles! I kill the..
Guard #1 (talking into walkie-talkie): We need back up in sector A-2. A homicidal, or possibly suicidal, demented man is in our custody. Bring the dogs.
Shredder: TURTLES! I KILL!! I KILL!!! I KILL..!

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How I spent my summer vacation
By: Bomberman

BOMB! I've never flown before so I am just as excited to get on the airplane than the actual destination--the Virgin Islands! I can't wait!

Huh. Well, I think you know where this is going, let's save some time and go ahead and move on to the next person!

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How I spent my summer vacation
By: Mickey Mouse and the Gang
Hi, golly, boys and girls! Please turn your head away from this letter! It's for ADULT eyes only!

Yeh, yeh, so check it-- Eisner is up our cartoon asses again wanting more phat bank to make up for the losses of the new "Can't Miss" California Adventure theme park (CRAP!!!) and I think he has an eye out to build a 9-hole course in the back of his estate. Whatever. I know my role as head bitch of the mouseketeers - please, the money keeps me company at night - and I GOTS to get the loot. Hook me up wit' a 2-way to Universal Studios for... "Idea strategy meetings".

Wow. Mickey is sounding more black than usual. Remember it's not his fault that he must scheme and steal. Last time I checked, the head of companies still funds corporate character cartoons. Mickey makes the best amidst the recent, stock-stumbling times and rehashed classic movie sequels that take ideas from other "creative resources".

Capitalism 101 on hold for the remaining of this article, Mickey and friends videotaped their time spent at Universal Studios in Orlando for us. Take a gander!

MICKEY! NOOO! OK---Time out. I can't stomach seeing Mickey being eaten alive by a killer shark. I just can't. HE'S JUST A PRODUCT OF HIS COPORATE ENVIRONMENT! HE CAN'T HELP IT!!

What I would rather see is...

Goofy stalks Sponge Bob Squarepants from a distance.

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That's it? That is all our funding could come up with? Just take a look at those shameful PSP edits! Folks, this is truly sad news. But wait! Now you can give us money!

Pappa needs a vacation to see Mickey Mouse!

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