A time of mass paranoia and propaganda. Socialist movements crushed.
You support the State, and the State supports you. It is the rise
of Communism.
Insane,
unwinnable arms races led by the US that left the Russians to live
with the economic problems that resulted. I can only think of one
good thing that arose from the Cold War. A logic puzzle game we call
"Tetris."
Tetris
embodied those fundamental everlasting qualities that make a classic
game timeless: addicting gameplay, catchy music, player strategy,
testing of reflexes, and an age-old immortal concept of fun. With
these strong elements all in place, it is no wonder this seventeen-year-old
commodity has stood the test of time and continues to appear at the
top of countless "Best 100 Games Ever" lists to this day.
Alexey Pajitnov, Dmitry Pavlovsky, and Vadim Gerasimov could not have
imagined for their time bomb, that they established back when, to
explode and have this much lasting popularity.
"Communism."
"Communist."
They're
the two ugliest words in the English language to many Americans -
but the similarities between Communism and the U.S. may be more striking
than you think.
Karl
Marx wrote about progression in freedom rights to men and women living
in Capitalistic societies. In the States, we have that! Well, at least
that's what it says in our Constitution.
Lenin
bought out this governmental "no-no" word to in turn mark
his own truly statist consolidation of central power by cutting off
organizational movements and silencing the lesser (poor, working)
citizens. And here, well, we have George W. Bush and Fox News to do
all of that (warning: my editorial note)! But I am starting to get
off of topic a little: to the real truth behind Tetris.
Tetris,
my non-sharing fellow Capitalism-loving Americans, is one gigantic,
metaphoric tool of Communist propaganda. That's right, I said it.
And if you ever found yourself enjoying Tetris, Commie, you
may have already been brainwashed by the complicated history of military-
pursued campaigns behind its very core game concept. Indeed, you are
the NEW and IMPROVED Red Scare.
Still
don't believe me?
If
we look at the basic strategy of Tetris in realtion to Communism,
we see that each block represents an individual inside of a Communist
nation. Everyone fits. When a row of blocks is paired together, often
referred to as "lines", then the said group of people become
life partners to the Socialist regime. Starting to become clear? If
one block, or one person, is arranged in a non-supporting fashion
to the rest - sudden havoc ensues! The player must frantically try
to fix the mistake before the falling others lie in a similarly unmatched
mix up. Essentially, if one is not apart of the system, the whole
thing can break down.
SOUNDS
LIKE COMMUNISM TO ME!
Warped
minds, intelligentsia, intellectualism - bullshit! This is a simple
Nintendo video game! Whether in form of the unlicensed Tengen title
or on official NES cartridge - hell - you can even take Communism
on the road with you! Millions of people, including most of the youth
and young adults of America, spoiled in Red, Red Communism! And one
title, that's not all! Many, many spin-offs have carried on the Communistic
tradition through the years to the present day.
MICKEY
MOUSE IS A COMMIE!!
BOTH
MARIO AND YOSHI ARE COMMIES!!
The
evidence that Communism is alive and well in Democratic America is,
as you can plainly see, very overwhelming. Why, in a society where
we continue to ban literature from classrooms, where our legislative
Congress grants the government snooping rights to spy on any books
you buy or take out from a library (plus, medication from pharmacies!),
and where in a country that once called their public relations industry
"Propaganda" - why shouldn't you'd expect anything less
to be secretly accepted by the #1 world power, the U.S.A., than a
puzzle game made by Communists that can be played on a mobile phone
in the train ride in to a corporate work office!
This
cannot be! This Anti-Democratic game cannot exist any longer in the
United States of America. Therefore, making its first time appearance
anywhere, I am unveiling my own "Tetris clone" to do battle
with the evils of Communism and promote the blessings of a Two-Party
Corporate-Run Shitfest! This game will rightly justify our
governmental stature and our representative democracy.
I
present to you...
AMERTRIS!
A true patriotic sensation of a game that's sure to make any player
proud to be a gun-wielding American!
Blue
"Collar" (Poor, Working Class)
White "Collar" (Middle Class)
Red
(Upper Class)
Instead
of 7 block formations, Amertris only has 3 (painted in patriotic red,
white, and blue). The goal of Amertris is much simpler than that other
game, too. In fact, Amertris teaches players the true fun of #1 American
Capitalism! It's so easy that anyone playing has a solid chance of winning,
unlike that Commie-endorsed, old version. Here's how it works.
Every
stage begins with the blue blocks, the poor, at the bottom of the
"economy level", or game field.
Oh
those silly, lazy bums sleeping on my streets when they should be
out working!
Next
comes the (majorly) white middle class!
These
blocks settle into beautiful, overcrowded white suburbia right on the
outside of the blue, poor sections and ghettos of cities. Just like
in America!
Next
up is the upper class. These businessmen and women average between
two hundred thousand and a million in yearly income. Hoy hoy! The
red, mighty, large square blocks represent their many extravagant
houses, boats, and possessions that keep America's economy in tip-top
shape thanks to the Beauty of the Trickle Down System.
Love
the shade of red, darling, simply fa-bu!
Arrange
the red blocks over the blue just as the rich overpower and screw the
poor by passing tax cuts and taking from health care and public school
education! Remember only to assemble the red over blue and not the white!
(Some of those white blocks work in the offices that fuel your Fortune
500 companies!)
You
win Amertris when the red blocks tower over the blue and the white
make it to the top two sides. It's that easy!
Make
sure there's no room for those pesky blue blocks to move up, because
if they do, you lose the game and a nationwide chain of violent riots
break out!
YOU
ARE THE MISSING PIECE OF COMMUNISM!!
